November 17, 2024
"May the Force be with you..."
While I am not a die-hard Star Wars fan, I found myself whispering this phrase as I wrapped up our mind-expanding conversation with a Jedi, I mean, our Fireside Chat guest - Chad Aboud!
Though Chad wasn't sporting long, flowing robes or wielding a lightsaber, he demonstrated that he is not just a brilliant tactician but also a pillar of great wisdom. He lives in the here and now, is humble, makes great organic connections with people - all remarkable traits of a Jedi!
To give you a glimpse of my epiphany after chatting with Chad, here's the evolution of my thoughts through a monologue and the songs playing in my head before, during, and after our Fireside Chat:
PRELUDE
With everything happening in the world, it is unfathomable to make sense of things as they seem so unpredictable, incomprehensible, and out of our control. I couldn't help but wonder about my purpose in life. Can I still find meaning and fulfillment amid the uncertainty, setbacks, fear, and insecurity? With time slipping away in the hourglass, am I doing enough even though I am trying my best? Am I making a positive impact at home, at work, or in the society? What brings me joy and leaves me with no regrets?
"All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. Bright and early for their daily races. Going nowhere, going nowhere. When people run in circles, it's a very, very mad world." (Mad World by Tears for Fears - cover by Jasmine Thompson)
"I used to know, but I'm not sure now. What I was made for. What was I made for?" (What Was I Made For by Billie Eilish)
"I ask myself, what am I doin' here?" (Here by Alessia Cara)
TRANSFORMATION DURING THE CHAT
During the Fireside Chat, Chad's nuggets of wisdom were like colorful fireworks popping and sparkling in the night sky. Here is a snippet of his sage advice:
"Self-care comes in three ways: physical, intellectual, and emotional. The emotional aspect is about the depth of connections, far deeper than transactional relationships."
"Knowing things and being good at them isn’t necessarily the same as having the impact you’re meant to."
"What do you want? Why do you want it? Why does it matter to you? What are you scared of? When you focus on these questions, you can deeply understand someone’s perspective and support them on a meaningful level."
"Creating these pockets of singular focus."
"Focus on asking thoughtful questions, paying attention to energy and tone, and moving the conversation forward based on these cues."
"Living at the level of 'who’s doing more' or 'who’s changing more diapers' becomes mere accounting... Instead, understanding what you both deeply care about and why helps reduce judgment and negativity."
"By putting your thoughts and messages out into the world without expecting anything in return, you create the win."
Chad’s wise words popped in my brain like a bubble popper toy, sparking joy and excitement. My neurons had reignited old connections and formed new ones, now nourished with newfound inspiration and motivation.
"I wonder why I didn't see it there before." (Something There - Beauty and the Beast soundtrack)
"One conversation, a simple moment. The things that change us, if we notice when we look up, sometimes." (Underdog by Alicia Keys)
"I've got to let it go. And just enjoy the show" (The Show by Lenka)
POSTLUDE
Although I still don't have all the answers yet, I am committed to spreading the word and encouragement among working parents one Fireside Chat at a time, hoping to make a meaningful difference along my journey.
"I only see my goals, I don't believe in failure. 'Cause I know the smallest voices, they can make it major." (7 Years by Lukas Graham)
"Keep on keeping at what you love. You'll find that someday soon enough. You will rise up, rise up." (Underdog by Alicia Keys)
"We'll find out what we're made of. When we are called to help our friends in need. You can count on me like one, two, three...'Cause that's what (Equilawbrium is) supposed to do, oh, yeah." (Count on Me by Bruno Mars)
NOW, IT IS YOUR TURN
Are you ready to be enlightened and inspired?
Without further ado, let’s get started!
P.S. If you'd like to learn more about this Jedi, please check out Chad Aboud Consulting and his amazing What You're About podcast.
P.P.S. Chad will be the co-host in the Future of Law Summit hosted by Goodlawyer on November 21, 2024. It is complimentary and comes with 4 CLE credits (Canada and most US States). Get your free ticket today!
Part 1 - Introduction
Hi, my name is... Chad Aboud.
Year of call to the Bar: 2011
Type of practice, your role, and where: Chad Aboud Consulting (Coach, Advisor, Speaker), TEDx Speaker, Host of What You're About podcast, Former GC
How many children do you have? A 5-year old daughter.
What do you do for self-care or stress relief?
I focus on three main aspects: physical, intellectual, and emotional well-being.
Physical: Growing up, I was heavily into sports. Activities like running and other forms of exercise are crucial for my physical and mental health. They help me cut through the clutter and noise, relieve anxiety, and release energy. I dedicate 30 minutes to an hour every day to physical activities. This routine is an integral part of my life and is well-communicated with my partner, who supports me because it makes me a better person.
Intellectual: I have been seeing a personal therapist for almost a decade. The frequency of these sessions varies depending on my life’s challenges—weekly during tough times and monthly during calmer periods. Therapy provides a structured, objective space to share and process my thoughts, helping me think more deeply about them. It has been a cornerstone of my life structure over the past decade.
Emotional: On an emotional level, I cherish deep connections with my partner and daughter. We focus on understanding the values driving each other's words and actions. This value-based approach fosters faster and deeper connections, allowing us to support each other genuinely.
What would you do for work if you weren’t in the legal profession? When I was practicing law, I realized that knowing the law and being good at it didn't necessarily align with the impact I wanted to make. After much reflection, I understood that my true calling was to use my knowledge and experience to help others build better relationships with themselves and others. Coaching, advising, and speaking are just mediums through which I share this message. I am a relational person, and this work energizes me.
Part 2 - The first “Dual 10” Challenge: within the first 10 years post-license
Equilawbrium: Did you have a master plan for your career path? What was the driving force behind your career decisions? What are the important things to consider as you are figuring out your career path?
Chad: I started my career in big law, working at a national firm where I helped private companies go public and public companies raise money and engage in mergers and acquisitions. After about four or five years, I realized that my interests in training other lawyers and improving deal structures were ancillary to my role as an associate. Recognizing this, I decided it was time for a change.
Almost ten years ago, I travelled the world for six months with my life partner. Upon returning, I went in-house and was an in-house lawyer for about seven years. The first half of it was at Indigo, where I broadened my legal knowledge and learned to work with business teams. Although I enjoyed helping educate and train others and make the way forward easier, I wanted to do it in a way that reflected who I am, my brand, and how I think.
In 2019, I joined a portfolio of tech companies, building their legal functions and teams as a General Counsel. Despite my success, I kept coming back to the same thing. I care deeply for two things, helping others uncover their greatness, and making their way forward easier. And I always felt like while I brought more of that into my career over those stages, it wasn't the core of what I was doing. I still felt a strong pull towards helping others uncover their greatness and ease their paths. This led me to resign in September 2022 and launch my coaching and consulting business in January 2023. Today, I work one-on-one with professionals in career transition and provide advisory services to legal tech teams and service providers around unlocking their talent building their brand more deeply connected with their clients.
Equilawbrium: Please list one soft skill that contributed to where are you now and suggestions on how to cultivate it.
Chad: Curiosity. There's a great line I heard once: "People like feeling smart and want to prove it by saying smart things, but asking questions is a better way to demonstrate your thoughtfulness." Questions show you're attentive and push others to think deeply without assuming you know more about them. This approach is less work and more effective, allowing me to gather data points and genuinely understand others.
To cultivate curiosity, you need to genuinely want to know more about people. While speaking might not come naturally to everyone (myself included), it’s a skill that can be developed. Focus on asking thoughtful questions, paying attention to energy and tone, and moving the conversation forward based on these cues. This skill has been pivotal in my career, forming connections and unlocking potential in others.
Equilawbrium: Please list one hard skill that contributed to where are you now and suggestions on how to cultivate it.
Chad: Research skills. One hard skill that has significantly contributed to my success is my research ability, which taps into my curiosity. I’m adept at quickly gathering around 87% of the necessary information. I’ve developed a clear internal threshold that tells me when to shift my focus to the remaining 13%. This last portion usually takes much longer, often five times the time it took to gather the initial 87%.
My strength lies in pinpointing the bulk of the information and then evaluating the most logical options for the remaining details. Based on the 87%, I identify two or three plausible directions and then ask thoughtful questions to someone I trust to refine my understanding before delving into the final 13%.
This approach is where many lawyers struggle, especially in law firms. They feel the pressure to know 100% of the details, even when it's beyond their expertise or pay grade, leading to endless hours spent striving for perfection. I believe in striving for effectiveness over perfection. Getting to a solid understanding quickly, identifying likely paths forward, weighing pros and cons, and making recommendations are crucial. Then, seeking support from someone more experienced is essential.
Cultivating this skill involves:
Setting a Clear Threshold: Recognize when to shift from gathering information to synthesizing and applying it.
Asking Thoughtful Questions: Build a network of trusted colleagues or mentors to consult and refine your insights.
Balancing Depth with Efficiency: Focus on gathering a comprehensive initial understanding (the 87%) efficiently before diving into exhaustive details.
Accepting Imperfection: Strive for effectiveness and recognize that perfection is often unattainable and time-consuming.
Part 3 - The second “Dual 10” Challenge: have kids in their first 10 formative years
Equilawbrium: How did you juggle work/life responsibilities? Is it possible to have a family life and a work life simultaneously and harmoniously?
Chad: It takes an incredible amount of effort, but not in the way most people might think. The real effort lies in the emotional work, not just ticking off chores. Many people focus on titles, salaries, and job specifics, but these are just the surface elements of a harmonious life, not the core.
For my partner and me, achieving harmony has involved a lot of work, including individual and couples counseling. It's about aligning on shared values, understanding what we both want, why we want it, and addressing our fears and desires. When you focus your energy on these deeper questions, you can genuinely understand and support each other at a values level. If you feel close to someone, you don’t want them to be scared; you want them to feel supported.
Living at the level of "who’s doing more" or "who’s changing more diapers" becomes mere accounting, keeping track of tasks and waiting for the other person to slip up. Instead, understanding what you both deeply care about and why helps reduce judgment and negativity. This leads to a more harmonious life because when your partner wants to pursue a job or a project, you understand the deeper reasons behind it.
This kind of understanding and communication helps you support each other in almost all decisions, whether it’s about household chores or career moves. It’s not a one-time thing; it’s ongoing. We even have keywords to signify moments of anxiety or when we need to express sensitive feelings without feeling too vulnerable. These efforts shift the focus from mere task management to genuinely supporting each other’s well-being, allowing the outside actions to align naturally with your internal values.
Equilawbrium: Having walked the walk, what is the one parenting tip or trick that you wish you’d known?
Chad: One of the biggest unlocks for us came when our daughter was going through a big tantrum phase around two to two and a half years old. The typical responses—"Don't cry," "It's not so bad," or "What do you need?"—didn’t help and were actually dismissive of her feelings.
We received some great parenting advice: simply acknowledge her feelings. Tell her, "I'm here. I can see that you're sad, and your feelings aren't too big for me." Within minutes, she would calm down. This works because, at any age, humans want to be seen, to have their feelings validated, and to feel real to someone else.
When someone acknowledges your pain and offers support, your system relaxes. This need for validation doesn’t go away as we grow up; we just learn to hide it better. As adults, we still carry these feelings and desires for acknowledgment and support. Recognizing this has been a game-changer in our parenting approach.
Equilawbrium: What is your fondest memory of your kids at that age?
Chad: My fondest memory is actually from this current phase. On the physical growth side, my daughter is really into parkour, climbing, and monkey bars. She’s so physically brave, and it’s truly beautiful to see the strength of her nature expressed physically.
Another cherished memory, which I attribute greatly to my partner’s tremendous leadership in our home, is how our daughter mirrors our actions when she sees one of us is sad. She’ll come over, rub our back, and say, “It’s okay, I’m here for you.” It’s incredibly impactful to witness that children learn not by what you tell them but by what they experience with you.
This reminds me to worry less about what we say and focus more on our actions and the attention we give, because that’s what they absorb and emulate. It’s a powerful lesson in leading by example and realizing the profound influence of our everyday interactions.
Part 4 - Achieving Equilawbrium: how to survive & rise from the “Dual 10” Challenges
"It’s incredibly impactful to witness that children learn not by what you tell them but by what they experience with you. It’s a powerful lesson in leading by example and realizing the profound influence of our everyday interactions." – Chad Aboud
Equilawbrium: What was your biggest challenge going through the Dual 10 phase? Any advice for our readers who are living and breathing this phase and trying to survive and excel?
Chad: Finding the time to be singularly focused on the relationships in my life was my biggest challenge. It’s very easy to be distracted, especially when building a business with so much newness and excitement. However, when our daughter is around or I’m with my partner, my goal is to make that time truly focused on them. This not only benefits those relationships but also ensures that when I am working on my business, my family feels deeply bonded and supported, understanding what matters to me.
The key is to avoid mixing personal and work time. When I’m in deep work mode, I communicate that clearly to my partner, and vice versa, to avoid misunderstandings. Creating pockets of singular focus is crucial.
I rely heavily on my calendar to manage this. I use it to schedule everything and set alarms to remind me to shift focus. For example, my work calendar only starts at 10:30 AM because I prioritize spending quality time with my family in the morning, exercising, and posting on LinkedIn. These activities support my business in the long run. Scheduling time for picking up our daughter and counseling sessions ensures that these important activities don’t get lost in the shuffle. This approach helps manage time better, reduces distractions, and alleviates guilt about not addressing other tasks, knowing that their time is also scheduled.
Equilawbrium: What is your take-home message for our readers who are trying to find their “equilawbrium”?
Chad: Enthusiasm plus creativity. These are the least amount of work and the most enjoyable. They create deep relationships with yourself and others because what you give is what you get back. We often think great things about others but don’t tell them. Enthusiasm doesn’t mean throwing a party; it means expressing the positive thoughts you have.
For example, if you think someone has asked great questions and helped a lot of people, tell them. Expressing these thoughts not only makes you feel better but also makes the other person feel seen and appreciated, strengthening your bond and improving your network.
Adding curiosity to this mix enhances emotional connections, which are far more valuable than transactional ones. Ask questions like, “How did you come up with this?” or “What does it mean to you?” These questions foster deeper connections that last a lifetime, unlike temporary transactional relationships.
For instance, when I listen to a podcast and reach out to the speaker because their message resonated with me, it often leads to meaningful friendships and collaborations. This happened with Robert Hannah, whose LinkedIn post about his grandfather led to a deep friendship and professional collaborations.
Similarly, expressing genuine enthusiasm and curiosity led to my TEDx opportunity. I reached out to someone doing incredible work, expressed my admiration, and they eventually sent me the application for TEDx. It’s about giving first and letting the returns come naturally.
One of the best parenting advice I ever received was to ask my child about their day not for the answers, but to show that I care and to instill the value of helping others. The act of asking itself is the win, not the response. This philosophy applies to other areas of life as well. By putting your thoughts and messages out into the world without expecting anything in return, you create the win.
For anyone hesitant to post on LinkedIn or share their thoughts, remember that expressing a message that matters to you can reach someone who needs to hear it. The act of putting it out there is the win, not the level of engagement it receives. This mindset shift helps you gain traction and fulfillment.
Equilawbrium: What is the one-word encouragement/support that you would want us to remember?
Chad: Intentionality.
<<End of Fireside Chat with Chad Aboud>>
**A MILLION THANKS TO CHAD!!**
<<Chad's Biography>>
As a former General Counsel and Law Firm Lawyer, Chad has a passion and purpose to help as many people as he can reach uncover their natural traits + skills, so that they’re more successful and feel happier in their careers. He has shared his approach with organizations and individuals around the world, including on the TEDx stage.
Disclaimer: Any views, information, and personal opinions expressed by the authors or guests are entirely their own and do not reflect or represent those of their employers or clients.
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